Parenting an Adolescent

Adolescence is a time of transition. Most parents find themselves bewildered by the changes in their previously affectionate and obedient children. Mood changes, withdrawal, monosyllabic answers and arguments find most parents asking, “What have we done wrong?”

Adolescence is marked by profound changes brought about by the hormonal surge at puberty. The physical changes are accompanied by emotional, behavioural and intellectual changes to which the child has to adapt rapidly.

“As their bodies, brains and worlds rearrange themselves, you (parents) will need to do your own reshuffling.”

Changing role of parenting adolescents

The need for autonomy, independence and a search for one’s own unique identity is an essential part of adolescence. Often, this is achieved by questioning and testing existing rules and norms. Make space for this quest. Handle an occasional error of judgement with explanations rather than with accusations and confrontation.

The essentials of parenting at this age are

1. Trust
2. Empathy
3. Respect
4. Support

Trust is important in all relationships. Trust your teen to do what is right. As far as possible, avoid correcting them and pointing out mistakes. Allow them to learn on their own.

Empathise. Your adolescent child is often plagued by self-doubts and insecurities. Remember you were an adolescent once, and do not trivialise their problems.

Respect their need to be away from you, alone or with friends. Listen to their opinions and try not to be dismissive of their views and values.

Support. Assure them of your love and support without being intrusive; this will encourage them to come to you in need.

Parenting styles

An authoritative parenting style provides the adolescent with opportunities to become self-reliant within a set of rules, limits and guidelines appropriate for his/her developmental age. The personality and temperament of the child may also influence your parenting style (a co-operative and responsible teen requiring much less supervision). The environment (e.g an unsafe neighbourhood) can also dictate your parenting style. Privileges and limits may be set with the active participation of the child. It helps to state your expectations without ambiguity (what is acceptable behaviour and what is not), set clear limits and enforce consequences (loss of privileges) when limits are not adhered to.

When parents differ in their parenting styles.

One parent (often a father who is away a great deal) may tend to be permissive in his parenting. Adolescents (and children!) are quick to take advantage of differences between parents. It is important for the parents to arrive at a consensus privately and present a united front when dealing with limits and consequences.

Autonomy vs Monitoring

There are no hard and fast rules. Monitoring does not mean constant surveillance. Safety concerns entail knowing about the whereabouts of the adolescent outside school hours, friends they are with and contact information. A schedule to return home should be worked out. Similar limits should be set for time spent on social media. Be honest in communicating your concerns and avoid doing things behind their backs. It only leads to lack of trust and a tendency to conceal things from you.

Do not seek to control. Often, clashes between parents and adolescent children are about who has control. Adolescents struggle for control over what they feel is their own life, while parents struggle to hold onto the control they had earlier.

Peers

Sometimes, you may be uncomfortable with the company your adolescent keeps. Do not rush into judgements and accusations. Observe for yourself if there is a genuine cause for concern. Teach your adolescents to say ‘no’ to what they feel uncomfortable about. Explain the harmful effects of risky behaviour (alcohol, drugs, sexual activity) at a young age.

When to seek help

Repetitive problem behaviours and high-risk behaviours require professional help and guidance. Aggressive and violent behaviour, progressive academic deterioration, school refusal or truancy, lying or cheating demand immediate attention. Increasing moodiness, lack of communication, inattention to personal hygiene are other warning signs of psychological distress.

Inclusive education for children with autism in Pune

Inclusive Education

Inclusive education for children with autism and other developmental disabilities is now approaching reality in Pune. Nine children with autism appeared for the Maharashtra 10th standard (SSC) board exam. The accommodations and waivers granted to these students reflect an infusion of the fresh breath of inclusion into the corridors of the board of education .

Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan (SSA) in Maharashtra

The Education for All Movement, the central government’s flagship SSA, seeks to ensure that every child, including those with special needs, is provided an elementary education. As far as disability is concerned the SSA has adopted a zero rejection policy. It provides for universal access to infrastructure and curricula in schools. Maharashtra is at the forefront of this scheme. In all 380000 teachers from Maharashtra attended workshops on inclusive education through the SSA. 414277 children with special needs were identified and 380723 enrolled under the SSA in Maharashtra as of Jun-2009, . Of these about 9000 children were provided a home-based education.

Beyond elementary school it is up to the state education boards to ensure access to further education. For this the Central Board of Secondary Education (CBSE) initiated accommodations and waivers in 2009. This year for the first time, 9 students with autism from Pune division and 10 students from Mumbai appeared for the Maharashtra SSC 10th standard board exams. Lets look at why this is a significant social event.

Modern education of children with disability traces its history to Jean-Marc Itard a French physician. On the cusp of the 18th and 19th centuries Itard attempted to educate Victor, a feral child discovered in the forests of Aveyron. Although Itard himself judged his work with Victor a failure, this renowned experiment marked the first time that anyone considered the possibility that persons with disabilities could be educated.

Edouard Seguin (mid 1800s), a French educator, developed a method for teaching children with intellectual disability in order for them to take their rightful place in the societies of their day. The early training schools were based on these concepts. The schools were small and homelike with 8 to 10 residents. The original goal was the return of children to their families after a period of intervention.

Institutionalisation

Despite these early efforts, it was later concluded that educational and therapeutic approaches had failed. Persons with intellectual disability were scapegoated and regarded as the root cause of many social problems. Institutionalisation and segregation into special schools became the principal means of ‘protecting’ intellectually disabled persons from society and also for ‘safeguarding’ society against the social ill thought to be caused by an expanding population of defectives (Jackson 1999).

Mainstreaming

Lloyd Dunn (1968), a special educator, declared that most children with mental retardation could be "mainstreamed" in classes with typically developing age-mates. He questioned the need for segregated special education classes for most children with mental retardation. He highlighted the lack of evidence to show that children with mild mental retardation learn any better in special education classes than in regular classes. Lloyd Dunn pointed out that educational techniques had advanced sufficiently to allow the effective schooling of most children with retardation alongside other typical children.

Normalization

Wolf Wolfensberger (1972), a scholar, activist and prolific author in the field of development disabilities extended the idea of normalization to the service delivery system itself. He called on all residences, schools, and other services for persons with retardation to be as normative as possible. Parent and professional advocacy groups also fought hard for legislative and legal victories to decrease the size of large institutions.

Inclusion

Inclusive education seeks to overcome every barrier - physical and academic- to ensure the child is educated with their peers (Sigafoos 2003). It stresses the importance of peer interaction in the final outcome for the child who is to enter into the adult world on a level playing field. To this end academics is given a secondary role. The child is supported for all physical needs to enable participation in the classroom experience with their peer group. Academic difficulties are addressed by a remedial teacher or special educator attached to the class who helps the child in parallel with the regular curriculum. The child may be learning at a level many grades below the rest of the class but has the benefit of meaningful social interaction.

It has taken 200 years for the vision of Itard to reach the SSA, the national inclusive education program. The universal principles of justice, fraternity, and equality secured for all citizens by the constitution are driving us to ensure children with autism and other disabilities are educated alongside their peers. That is why nine children with autism have appeared for a board exam in Pune. That is why this is a significant social event.

References

1. CBSE. Amendments/Additions in Examination Bye Laws. 2009
2. Dunn L M. Special education for the mildly retarded—is much of it justifiable? Except. Child. 35:5-22, 1968.
3. Jackson, Mark. Mental Retardation In: A century of Psychiatry. Ed. Hugh Freeman. London: Harcourt Publishers, 1999.
4. Sigafoos, Jeff, Michael Arthur, and Mark O'Reilly. Challenging Behaviour and Developmental Disability. London: Whurr Publishers, 2003.
5. SSA, Inclusive education. Accessed 04-Jul-2011
6. SSA. Kolkotta National Workshop. Accessed 04-Jul-2011